*There isn’t really a chili cookoff. I tried, but apparently technology does not yet allow us to deliver spicy delicious chili wirelessly through the internet. Maybe next year.

Welcome to the 132nd Annual Hunger Games! Er, I mean, Philadelphia Phillies! Now that Opening Day is upon us and, arguably, beyond us, it’s past time to roll out the annual Over-Under Sweepstakes, where you can win fabulous prizes* merely for guessing stuff on the internet!

*note: no actual prizes will be awarded

If you’ve done this before, you know the drill. If you haven’t, it’s pretty simple. SPACE COMPUTER has generated a series of events and corresponding dates, listed below. Your task is to predict whether those events will occur before (under) or after (over) the listed date, if they will occur on the given date (even), or never (never). Because SPACE COMPUTER is an asshole, some of the events are dumb, so fair warning.

Whoever correctly deduces the most events will be crowned the winner, although, sadly, there is no prize since we spent the prize money on SPACE COMPUTER.

So, the events!

1. Jimmy Rollins hits his 201st career homerun (needs one) – April 11 against Miami
2. Chase Utley hits his 220th career homerun (needs three) – April 15 against Atlanta
3. Domonic Brown’s 100th career walk (needs ten) – April 30 against New York
4. Domonic Brown’s 10th career intentional walk (needs one) – April 30 against New York
5. AJ Burnett’s 150th career Win (needs three) – May 14 against Los Angeles of Anaheim
6. Cole Hamels‘ 40th career hit batsman (needs three) – June 1 against New York
7. Ryan Howard’s 1,000th career RBI (needs 37) – June 13 against Chicago
8. Phillies score 14 or more runs in a single game for the second time (counting today) – July 1 against Miami
9. Cliff Lee’s 150th career Win (needs ten) – July 24 against San Francisco
10. Jonathan Papelbon’s 600th career inning (needs 38.0) – August 1 against Montreal
11. Carlos Ruiz’s 200th nailed base stealing attempt (needs 31) – August 27 against Montreal
12. Antonio Bastardo’s 75th career Hold (needs 15) – September 1 against Atlanta
13. “Now batting, Maikel Franco” (Franco’s first MLB at-bat, need not be a starter) – September 1 against Atlanta
14. Kyle Kendrick’s 600th career strikeout (needs 99) – September 10 against San Diego
15. Ben Revere hits his first career homerun – September 28 against Atlanta

Extra Credit!

1. How many runs will the Phillies score? (610 last year)
2. How many runs will the Phillies allow? (749 last year)
3. How many phans will visit Citizens’ Bank Park this year? (3,012,403 last year – closest wins)
4. How many blown saves will Jonathan Papelbon have signed up for? (seven last year)
5. Rank the top three Phillies by rWAR (bonus points for the closest numbers)

Phormer Phillies Around the League Super Fun Bonus Round

1. Kevin Frandsen’s 100th career RBI (needs seven) – May 4 against Philadelphia
2. Hunter Pence’s 40th error (needs two) – May 17 against Miami
3. Joe Blanton’s 250th career game started (needs two) – June 1 against Los Angeles of Anaheim
4. “Now batting, Jonathan Singleton” (Singleton’s first career at-bat, need not start) – September 2 against Los Angeles of Anaheim
5. Shane Victorino’s 75th career triple (needs eight) – September 28 against New York

TRIPLE DOUBLE BONUS BONUS BONUS BONUS NUMBERS ROUND

1. Which pitcher will lead the majors in strikeouts? How many?
2. Which hitter will lead the majors in homeruns? How many?
3. Will Mike Trout win the AL MVP?
4. Which will be greater? The number of Phillies’ runs scored or Miguel Cabrera’s SLG? (SLG*1000)
5. Which will be greater? The number of Phillies’ runs allowed or Mike Trout’s SB% (SB%*1000)

Since the season has, technically, begun, the polls will remain open for at least a week. Once an event occurs, however, you will not be able to guess ex post facto (clarification: you can still guess, but won’t get credit for the event in question), so get your answers in quickly.

Now, SPACE COMPUTER would like to wish you good luck.

Hrm. Well, good luck anyway.