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Wilmington, NC– Amanda Holowaty didn’t need God to get married. She just needed her husband, Mike.
When
the Wilmington atheist couple decided to join their lives a year ago,
they knew they wanted a secular wedding celebrant, but their families
weren’t so sure.
Her family is Methodist and his is “generally
spiritual.” And they worried about even telling Mike’s grandmother, who
is Eastern Orthodox.
So they found a wedding celebrant ordained
through the Humanist Society, Han Hills, who allowed their family
members to read a spiritual poem.
“Nobody seemed to notice that we
didn’t mention God,” Holowaty said. “People came up afterward and said
it was one of the best weddings they’d seen.”
With the rise of the
“nones” the 20% of Americans without a religious affiliation, more
couples are looking for wedding celebrants who don’t mind skipping God’s
blessing of the ceremony altogether.
More national atheist and humanist agencies such as the Humanist
Society and the Center for Inquiry are developing ordaining programs to
establish non-theist ministers in most states to perform weddings and
funerals. CFI began its certification program in 2009.
There are
currently 138 celebrants listed as ordained through the Humanist
Society, and some perform weddings in multiple states. The Center for
Inquiry has 23 celebrants.
Because of the demand she’s seeing for
marriage and funeral celebrants, Florida humanist writer and blogger
Jennifer Hancock is considering writing a book about the secular
approach to marriage.
What’s missing, she says, is advertising for
leaders in the humanist community who can fulfill ceremonies for
life-cycle events. Only a handful of the ordained celebrants listed on
the society’s website also advertise their services on a personal page.
Former
Army medic Richard Cotter advertises his services in and around New
York at humanistcelebrations.com. California humanist minister William
Rausch advertises his memorial, baby naming and wedding services at
ebcelebrant.com.
“As soon as you do the advertising, people are
like, ‘Yeah, I want that.’ When I got married, I was worried. I didn’t
want any religious references in my wedding because I didn’t want to
start out the most important relationship of my life with a lie,”
Hancock said.
“Some of my most popular posts are about grief,
marriage relationships and parenting. That’s all stuff that a
traditional minister would help you with.”
The creative elements
of a humanist wedding don’t differ much from a religious one. There are
sand-mixing ceremonies, candle-lighting ceremonies and walking down an
aisle in a white dress. Vows are typically written by the couples
themselves, said Hills, whose company is called Leap of Humanity.
Hills
already has eight weddings booked this year across North Carolina and
is starting to book weddings for 2014. And he’s only been formally
advertising his services for a few months.
“You
need a certain personality to do this. If you’re mousy, and you can’t
think in a crisis, this isn’t for you,” he said, laughing. “It’s the
only job where you can look out and if you see old ladies crying, then
you’re doing a good job. It’s an honor to be given this place of
reverence.”
North Carolina’s celebrant numbers have grown to
seven, while New York and California have the most, at about 20 each.
But there are some states without any humanist celebrants listed, such
as Wyoming, West Virginia or Wisconsin.
Humanist Society program
coordinator Sadie Rothman said she gets at least two requests for
humanist celebrant applications each month. But the process to become a
celebrant requires five character references and training sessions.
Becoming
a wedding celebrant outside of an established faith system can present
legal challenges, depending on the state. In North Carolina, marriages
performed through the online Universal Life Church before 1981 are
considered valid. But the legality of ULC marriages after that date is
in question, according to state marriage laws.
Because the
Humanist Society is a religious organization associated with the
American Humanist Association, they are considered a valid marrying
entity in the state. But Indiana humanist celebrants certified through
the Center for Inquiry lost a legal battle in December over the validity
of the marriages they performed.
Mike Werner, past president of
the American Humanist Association, said the demand for humanist
celebrants will grow to include traditional ordained ministers
interested in officiating non-theist ceremonies.
Amanda and Mike
Holawaty didn’t want to settle for a justice of the peace. They wanted
to celebrate their values in a scenic wedding near the ocean.
“You
see weddings in movies and on TV, the bride being given away and
walking down the aisle,” she said. “It was really the same desire for
us, just minus the religious aspect.”
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