Professional hit man. One shot, one kill. Qualified on all applications of explosives and booby traps. Also capable of naked strangle/knife work for silent take-downs. (See * below)

Business partner asking too many questions? Got an annoying neighbor? Tired of the boat anchor nagging you to clean out the garage? Daughter dating one of THEM? Dad worth millions but healthy as a horse at ninety?

Rates start at $10,000 plus incidentals, all work guaranteed.

50% discount for retired law enforcement/military, 90% discount for anyone wishing to rid themselves of liberals or “Occupiers.”

February special: Eliminate three Occutards, get the fourth one free!

Call BR-549, ask for Sal, Lou, Alphonse, or…..I think I used Joey a couple of times.

(*) Occutards removed by shooting or explosives only; H2H techniques not offerred due to increasing cost of RID shampoo and Permethrin cream after touching them.