I’m sitting at the kitchen table, slowly digesting the data before me. No one is home and the house is completely silent, except for the ticking of the kitchen clock. Good: I need to concentrate on this, the crucial annual task of ensuring that my kids have equal Christmas gifts.
I have always gone to great pains to generate Santa fairness. One shirt, $25 each, per child. One book per child — except when they were at different reading levels, then one kid got one thick $8 book, and the other got two thin $4 books. When item match was impossible, value held: one $15 hair straightener and one $15 wallet. I’ve always folded a sheet of paper down the middle and matched up the gifts as I bought them, leaving one kid’s line blank when something was purchased for the other, to be filled in later when the appropriate gift was procured. That much studied, carefully hidden list was my key to a successful Christmas.
But this year, my 16th holiday with multiple children, counting was finally unnecessary. Woohoo! The child in college wanted, “Cash. Just cash.” How easy is that? Figure out how much to give her, then spend that same amount on her brother. Of course, I figured, I would still pick up a few things for her to open Christmas morning, but mostly her gift would be one-size-fits-all cash. So this year, freedom!, I’ve been just flat-out shopping, not listing and equating and matching, just picking things out and hiding them away. Easy!
Until today, when, after wrapping the goodies stuffed under my bed, I realize — aack! — I have stark, clear inequality! Sure, I have cash tucked away for the college kid, but I bought her presents, too … too many presents. She kept texting suggestions, and I kept finding things. Clothes, jewelry, accessories, an endless parade of (mostly) small “Oh, she’ll love that!” gifts.
And her younger brother, well, he doesn’t want much. He’s been dogsitting all fall, earning his own money, and then buying whatever he wanted when he accumulated enough. And after doling out his few wish list items to the relatives, that’s left me with no Christmas list, no ideas, no clue … and very few teenage son gifts stashed under the bed.
Which brings me to this list I have created tonight. I think it’s accurate, I jotted it down after I finished wrapping, after I realized I was in trouble. I resorted to my old method: folded the paper in half and listed the presents, matching them as I went. Luckily my husband thought of a “big” item for our son, which kind of neutralizes our daughter’s cash. They have the same number of articles of clothing, and stocking stuffers seem to be the same so far. But other than that … it’s uneven. No matter how I categorize or count, my daughter comes out three or four gifts ahead. Argh!
So what to do? I rest my chin in my hands and consider. I hate to buy something just to buy something. I could wait, we’re a week away still, maybe I’ll be inspired, maybe he’ll ask for something else, or several somethings, and the list will balance naturally. Or, wait, could I give him cash too? Not as much as his sister, but enough to make things more fair?
Or maybe, I slowly realize … maybe nobody will notice? Honestly, over the years, even when I had dollar parity but not gift parity, neither kid complained or gloated. Ever. In fact, now that I think about it … wow … I don’t think my kids have ever noticed! Which means … I swallow hard … oh my gosh, years and years of list-making and counting and balancing has been altogether unnecessary
I lean back, think hard, inhale slowly, exhale deliberately … then crumple up my list and throw it away.